Thursday, August 11, 2016

Random Thoughts

I will continue Part 2 of Depression, Anxiety, and Panic posts when I feel led by the Lord.  I want to be guided in the Lord when I share these posts because it is of a raw nature and I know it is a personal battle many deal with. Until then here are some random thoughts....

I have had some major set backs that has delayed my preparations for the homeschool year ahead. This year is quite different as we have Ethan back home with us doing college level classes and such. It will be a total different atmosphere.

I am excited though. I don't think my children are. LOL! Usually they are excited. In years past I could kind of tell how our school year would be based on their thoughts before we EVER start. The years they are excited and ready we have great years. The years they dread it we have rough ones. So....even though the kids have a yucky feeling about school starting I believe we will have a good year. Discipline and structure are a must for children and for even adults. So, I am ready to get out of summer mode yet I want to keep it simple for all of us. I am thinking of changing our school flow to limit such a long summer break.

Some of the best advice I have gotten from a friend who has dealt with sickness while homeschooling is to keep it simple. She is an author, speaker, and Pastor's wife and homeschools 4 children while having Crohn's Disease. She travels and all. She shared with me that she keeps her life simple and limits things outside. They have a balanced schedule as well as simple activities even though she travels. Her husband does as well so they work together to make sure one parent is always home with them and that she limits travels as well. She even keeps her menu's simple. This causes less stress and keeps peace.

I had all these grand ideas I wanted to do in our home, school, and so on this upcoming school year. I have since decided that I have to reevaluate and make SIMPLE the flow for us.

Just wanted to touch base! I hope you all have a super day!


Sunday, August 7, 2016

Depression, Anxiety & Panic Part 1

This will be a post totally different than most of mine. I have contemplated not sharing this but I feel the need to do so. I never know when I need to look back and read this post or if someone needs to know they are not alone.

I am a wife, mama to 3, homeschool mama, ministers wife, Jesus and Bible lover, and well I will not be ashamed to say I am a radical worshipper for the Lord. For the most part just an average woman.  For years though since my oldest (he is 16) I have struggled with depression.

I have quoted scripture, prayed, fasted, changed diets, exercised, and went to Christian counselling. I have worshipped, praised, and sang loud on my darkest days. I have even danced before the Lord. I have shared my testimony with several women in bible studies, and spoke at St. Louis Community College in St. Louis, MO about this very topic. I have spoken to women's groups, mom's groups, and I can go on and on. I even participated in a cardboard testimony sharing my painful story about trying to commit suicide years ago.

I am amazed (well...not really) at how many women will come to me and tell me how I ministered to them and they had experienced what I have and glad they are not alone.  It is not my most proud testimony I can tell you. But I am aware it helps others feel they can make it if I can.

I would rather tell you how wonderful my life has been (and it has at times) or how many awesome blessings the Lord has showered on me (He sure has) and I would rather tell you how my life is great, and you can do this and that to make it that way, and all is WELL ALL the time.

But I CANNOT! I am so sorry. I use to be upset with the Lord. Yes...I just wrote that...but I didn't understand how He could part the RED SEA and wouldn't heal me.  I would beg, plead, cry, shout, get the picture...why oh Lord...will you not heal me.

But over time I learned that my greatest thorn in my flesh was and is to be used to help others and most important grow in the Lord. You see I once prayed a prayer...USE ME, LORD. Refine ME Lord. Let me work for your Kingdom Lord.

I am not saying that praying made me have depression and that the only way a person can be used is through deep pain or storms. But I will say that we live in a very dark and hurting world and sometimes certain things we go through allow us to cling to the Lord like never before, and to help others as well.

You see each of us has a thorn, a cross, or a refining process. These things allow us to be ever dependent on the Lord. They allow us to become a vessel to be used to help others in such a dark place. I honestly couldn't imagine going through all I have with depression, anxiety, and panic attacks without Christ. I couldn't imagine not having the comfort of praying, His Word to meditate on, or other Christians that has experienced this before me and cheered me on.

Until Part 2......


Tuesday, July 26, 2016

A Crown~We can be One!

"Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table." Psalm 128:3

Here is an excerpt from~ Queen of the Home compiled by Jennifer McBride

"Have you crowned your husband? The more richly you crown him, the more you will be blessed.

What does the crown look like with which you adorn your husband? Does it look tarnished and strange because many jewels are missing?  Or is it filled with precious gems?  What are some of the gems that will make your husband proud to wear you as his crown?

Is your crown decorated with diamonds of devotion, dedication, dignity, and diligence that will delight His soul?

Have you set sapphires that will shine and sparkle with serving, sacrificial and submissive spirit?  Are you sweet to him? Are you a strength and support to his vision in life?  Are you sensitive to his needs? Are you steadfast in your loyalty and commitment to your marriage?

Have you positioned pearls in your crown~pearls of patience, peace, perseverance and prayer for your husband?

Oh don't forget the rubies, the rarest of all gems.  Is your crown radiating with rubies of reverence and respect for your husband?

Is your crown ornamented with opals of openness, obedience, overflowing love and the oil of joy?

Don't forget emeralds that emanate esteem, earnest commitment, encouragement and endurance.

Adorn your crown with amethysts of admiration, affirmation, approval, appreciation, and attentiveness.

Just a minute! You can't forget the crowning jewel of all~Contentment! This jewel adds luster to your crown. This jewel releases your husband from bondage and pressure." 
Written by Nancy Campbell

There is more to this beautiful illustration that Mrs. Campbell wrote that is in the book but when I read this today I felt so compelled to aim to add those jewels my crown. My crown has been tarnished at times, it has jewels that are missing, but I am seeking to repair that crown. Polish it up. Dig out the jewels and begin to construct that crown again.

Let us add one JUST ONE of these jewels to our crown for our husbands today.  Maybe we need to add some Pearls~Patience, Emeralds~Encouragement, Opals~Oil of Joy, or maybe we need to add some Rubies of Reverence.


Monday, July 25, 2016

Enjoying My Purpose

Today.... I am just enjoying this wonderful God Given duty the Lord has blessed me with. Being a mother, wife, and homemaker. I love it. It can be challenging but I do love it. God gently reminded me in the Word today how precious my children are. I was also reminded how precious marriage is. The sanctity of the Home and Hearth.

How important it is. How truly I am a Queen in my own Domain. I don't mean a bossy, spoiled, and selfish Queen. I desire to be a Queen of Our Home. Caring, Loving, and Guiding those in this palace of mine.

I am truly blessed. You are too!

Update on health- I haven't had any caffeine since last Sunday when the episode happened and I have reduced the sodium in my diet as well as cut back on portions. I have also walked daily (slowly or either a Leslie Sansone 1 mile walk) and I am drinking LOTS of water. I feel a little better. I still feel a little different and I can't quite place my finger on it but I am trying to do the best I can. I am taking it slow. Unlike times before when I would pull my self up fast and hard after one of my health slumps. I would burn out worse from doing this. This time I just I need to be slow, simple, and cautious. I still need prayer for peace of mind. I have often found that I begin to get anxious when I feel a fast heart beat or pain. I refuse to let fear get me.


Thursday, July 21, 2016


Wowza! What a few days or shall I say weeks. I am not sure maybe I should just say years. It has been such a battle with my health. I will spare you details other than I had a bout of tachycardia (high heart rate) and High Blood Pressure. It was bad! BAD! Like I thought I was having a heart attack. It was so terribly scary.

All my test have come back clear but I still feel really tired, weak, and such. No one really knows what is going on with my body. So, we will just say I need prayer. I need prayer for these specific things. I would love if you could bind with me and help me pray.

*strength to get healthy
*lower healthy heart rate
*steady BP as it has been dropping low and raising high
*peace over my mind

Thank you all! I hope to be back posting on a more positive note soon. If I haven't responded to the last post comments it is because of being so out of it. I was sedated a few times to get my heart down. So, I think I am still overcoming that. I also cut out ALL caffeine. Lowered my salt intake as well.


Tuesday, July 19, 2016

ER visit & Hopsital Stay

I have been in the hospital. I will catch up with you all. Please pray for me and quick recovery.


Monday, July 11, 2016

A True Wife & A Personal Email Letter from Laine

"The true wife needs to be no mere poet's dream, no artist's picture, no ethereal lady too little for use, but a woman healthful, strong, practical industrious, with a hand for life's commons duties, yet crowned with that beauty which a high and noble purpose gives to a soul."

"Every true wife makes her husband's interest own."

"A true wife by her character and by her conduct proves herself worthy of her husband's trust. Her husband has confidence in her affection; he knows that her heart is unalterably true to him. He has confidence in her management; he confides to her the care of the household. He knows that she is true to his interests, that she is prudent and wise, not wasteful not extravagant."

All the quotes above are from the book Home Making by J. R. Miller. I highly suggest you to read this book.

By the way....I am not perfect in any of the above quotes...I am daily aiming. I fail. I move on. I keep moving on. Keep seeking, working, and striving to be the best I can be.


Dear friends,

I cannot tell you the surprise, blessing, and honor I got when I opened my email up a few days ago to see an email from Laine. First, I thought it was a spam type joke when I seen the name and subject. But when I opened it up and I began to read I was more than thrilled. She shared with me a friend of hers (someone that must pop on my blog...thank you) told her about my recent post I shared on her letters. She was thrilled to know her letters meant and ministered still all these years later.

She updated me on her family. They are all doing well and she has grandbabies and expecting one very soon. She seems to be so happy in her season of life. They are raising their adopted daughter that is 6 years old and homeschooling her. Talk about being the hands and feet. Laine sure is a wonderful example of this.

I was so honored she took the time to email me and update me on her life. I know some may think I put her on a pedestal . I do not do that but I do think very highly of her and I appreciate the God Given calling she had when she wrote her letters. There are so few women like Laine and I am very thankful to have come across her in the blog world. I know she is human and is not perfect but she is a wonderful role model to follow. While the world chases their role models that have nothing to do with the Lord I will give respect and honor where it is due. I am thankful for her Biblical Example and help she has shined in my life even though just through writings.

I pray you all have a superb week. I have plans to work on my living room today and put some up books for sale. I am so thrilled to be feeling better. But I will PACE myself.

We are doing pork chops, yam patties, and corn for supper. What is on your menu?