My soul aches for freshness. I feel engulfed with trials and defeat. Oh, failures swirl in my mind over and over. I feel the broken spiritual bones crying for healing and strength. Dreams and Visions this past year that danced around my head as sugar plums puffed into thin air.
Before you think I am the MOST NEGATIVE DEPRESSING person in the world, I beg you to consider different. David wasn't always cheerful, Elijah, nor Peter. These men as well as many more all battled, including Job, times of despair and depression. Lessons are learned for spiritual growth in these seasons. I was/am in that season.
Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. (Crushed in spirit)"
So, while I moan I know that God is NIGH. I am ever thankful for that. I would be stuck in that pit of regret, failures, and mess without Him reaching for me and pulling me out.
This past year I felt as if I was in the Valley of Decision. Decision to hold on. To keep on. To move on. My family, our church, and my friends all have had valley moments. But in the valley there is hope because you can only go up from that point.
This year my ONE WORD is FORWARD. Inspired by Ann Voskamp's recent post on the New Year gave me that "Aha" moment. Every year since 2005 I have a word and scripture I reflect on yearly. This year I decided I wouldn't even go there. I didn't feel it. Didn't know. Tired of never going through. But one email gave me a little hope that I can move one.
This year I want to move FOWARD. I want to move out of the Valley. I want to Keep going! I hear the song "Onward Christian Soldier" playing in my mind. I am moving FORWARD & ONWARD for a higher calling than myself. I want to Glorify God! Move Forward in Jesus!