Warning....this may be long! I would like to explain my situation first. As I stated earlier in some post I work at a Christian school. I'm planning to resign but want to make sure. I felt confident in that decision but then a shift happened and I'm just not sure.
I was a homemaker and homeschool mom for 13 years and my husband became a Pastor in the last 3 of that. Now we also were assistants for 7 years at a different church. So we have been very active in ministry for 16 years. When we moved for his Pastorate it was different my husband made 3 times what he does now, we lived in a metro area, and life was much different as far as types of churches. We are now in a extremely small town, rural, and different culture. When we moved here I was a homemaker and homeschool mamma but the demands of helping my husband with the church was really overwhelming and my kids were not getting proper education. It seemed like everyday there were interruptions no matter how much I drew boundaries they were always crossed! Always!
Last year my husband felt our oldest who was entering high school needed more and so he wanted him to attend a small conservative Christian school. It has wonderful for him and is preparing him in so many ways for bible college. In the midst of that the school lost their Kindergarten teacher and they offered me a position and we prayed and felt that I should take the opportunity. I would get one child's tuition free and then compensated to pay for the rest of the kids. My daughter who has struggled severely with dyslexia went through a special program this year and jumped a whole grade and has learned ways to fight her dyslexia. The school has been a great experience educationally for all my children. Even spiritually due to the biblical teachings, and curriculum that is bible based.
Now while it has been good for the kids it has not for me. I have a immune issue and health issues and it has been horrible. I have been very stressed working 45 hours a week with travel time, coming home and keeping home, doing bills, and spending time with kids and husband, trying to find time to pray and study the word, and I can't barely keep up with my church duties and other ministry things that I have a burden for. It's has been horrible. My husband ends up cooking a lot, doing laundry, and helping with so much more due to me being so exhausted. He works a part time job, and full time pastors, and then is coming home doing my responsibilities. Yes, I believe that keeping home is. Even though we are okay with team work it is hard on him because I am usually sleeping a hour after work just to be able to do supper and laundry. It's just horrible. I don't have time to care for my body and fix the foods I need because I already get up at 4:45 in the am and I'm not home until 4:00 in the afternoon.
Spiritually I'm struggling because I was use to spending hours in prayer, walking in prayer, and studying when I was a homemaker and now I'm just so tired it's so hard. My blood pressure is in danger and a couple weeks ago I was hit with a bad case of pleurisy and bronchitis and was almost hospitalized. My body just shut down. Now, this week I can barely walk.
I feel torn to quit because even though all of that I loooove what I do. I love teaching. I also have never ever been away from my children and I am a huge homeschool and biblical education advocate so it's hard for me to think they will stay at the school and I will not be with them. My husband wants them to stay. He supports whatever I choose to do. He is torn as well because he wants me to come home because he feels that is right but the money and cost of school makes him nervous. We can afford to send them to the school but it will be so very tight!
I have prayed and I just can't get a clear direction. I don't want to be away from my kids but I am so tired when we get home I don't invest in them and I don't see them but a couple minutes at the school. Part feels if I stayed home and focused on my health that when they came home I would be better attentive to them.
Ladies I'm torn! I believe wholeheartedly in Titus 2 and I just feel confused and torn. I am not helping my husband and honestly I'm so tired that I'm snippy and put a lot on him! I'm not investing in my kids heart like should, I'm neglecting the ministry part of church, most important I have neglected my time with the Lord.