If you would like to go back to Part 1 of this series please click here. It will give you an understanding of where I am going with this.
In 2003, three years after my first born was born I began to feel the cloud lift. I weaned myself off medication and began to get healthy. I lost weight (60 pounds), walked and exercised daily, and felt on top of the world. Then I got pregnant and Hannah came into the world in 2004. I was nervous the whole pregnancy at what might happen after birth. I let family and friends know of my previous Post-Partum Depression and was very aware of it being possible. I was upfront and honest with my new doctor. But I also took precautions as well. Tried to stay healthy, walk daily, and do things natural to prevent it.
I had a small case of baby blues and all was well. But in 2006 I got pregnant with my baby Kyle and 6 weeks into my pregnancy I had one of the darkest clouds come over me. I was sick the entire pregnancy. I had morning sickness everyday up until delivery. I ended up having to be put on medication (Anti-depressant) during my pregnancy is was so bad. I had constant fear, anxiety, crying, mood swings. It was awful. I was terrified of what would happen after I gave birth. I felt fine the first two weeks. I had tons of support, mom group friends, church family, and etc. that came in and helped me. But when Kyle was 4 weeks old a feeling of doom entered my mind. I became very sad and moody again. But I stuck with my medication (which at the time was making me worse and I didn't know it) and began therapy. The depression became worse. I became suicidal and it was very scary. The doctor felt I needed to come off the medicine and try a new one. So, I did. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The medication I was on was so hard to wean off and withdrawals were awful. I eventually switched over and with support and God I made it and life became somewhat normal again after a few weeks. I started to exercise again, eat better, and feel normal to a degree. Life went on. But this medicine made me extremely tired. VERY. So, I began to seek out natural ways to treat depression. I did this and I did that. I finally came off the medicine in a year (2008). All was okay. I still had mood swings but was able to recognize what they were. I took supplements and exercised and it was going well.
In 2012, my husband became a Pastor and it was an exciting journey. We sold everything we owned and went to a rural community in hopes of saving the world. Little did I know this was going to be another season that would lead me to dark depression in the midst of ministry. Talking about hard. But I can tell you as I have been a ministers wife and have a ton of minister's wives as friends that I was not the only one that had experienced this. This was consoling to me. I felt like a failure because how could I have such a thing and be useful to the kingdom of Heaven
and be a Pastor's wife?!
Little did I know that this Thorn would become a part of my ministry.
Part 3 will come soon!