Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Depression, Anxiety, and Panic- Part 2

If you would like to go back to Part 1 of this series please click here. It will give you an understanding of where I am going with this.

In 2003, three years after my first born was born I began to feel the cloud lift. I weaned myself off medication and began to get healthy. I lost weight (60 pounds), walked and exercised daily, and felt on top of the world. Then I got pregnant and Hannah came into the world in 2004. I was nervous the whole pregnancy at what might happen after birth. I let family and friends know of my previous Post-Partum Depression and was very aware of it being possible. I was upfront and honest with my new doctor. But I also took precautions as well. Tried to stay healthy, walk daily, and do things natural to prevent it.



I had a small case of baby blues and all was well. But in 2006 I got pregnant with my baby Kyle and 6 weeks into my pregnancy I had one of the darkest clouds come over me. I was sick the entire pregnancy. I had morning sickness everyday up until delivery. I ended up having to be put on medication (Anti-depressant) during my pregnancy is was so bad. I had constant fear, anxiety, crying, mood swings. It was awful. I was terrified of what would happen after I gave birth. I felt fine the first two weeks. I had tons of support, mom group friends, church family, and etc. that came in and helped me. But when Kyle was 4 weeks old a feeling of doom entered my mind. I became very sad and moody again. But I stuck with my medication (which at the time was making me worse and I didn't know it) and began therapy. The depression became worse. I became suicidal and it was very scary. The doctor felt I needed to come off the medicine and try a new one. So, I did. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The medication I was on was so hard to wean off and withdrawals were awful. I eventually switched over and with support and God I made it and life became somewhat normal again after a few weeks. I started to exercise again, eat better, and feel normal to a degree. Life went on. But this medicine made me extremely tired. VERY. So, I began to seek out natural ways to treat depression. I did this and I did that. I finally came off the medicine in a year (2008).  All was okay. I still had mood swings but was able to recognize what they were. I took supplements and exercised and it was going well.

In 2012, my husband became a Pastor and it was an exciting journey. We sold everything we owned and went to a rural community in hopes of saving the world. Little did I know this was going to be another season that would lead me to dark depression in the midst of ministry. Talking about hard. But I can tell you as I have been a ministers wife and have a ton of minister's wives as friends that I was not the only one that had experienced this. This was consoling to me. I felt like a failure because how could I have such a thing and be useful to the kingdom of Heaven
and be a Pastor's wife?!

Little did I know that this Thorn would become a part of my ministry.

Part 3 will come soon!

15 comments:

  1. We know God works through all things but at times it is hard to see that. Especially when we are walking through the storm. As I read this I keep thinking of Romans 8:28. I hate that this struggle is yours. It makes my heart happy to see you overcoming it to help others and using it to bring Glory to God!! (((Hugs my sweet friend!)))

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  2. Thank you. It is not easy but God is good. Blessings friend.

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  3. ❤️ To you for telling your story. This was such a taboo subject in the past but it happens and I believe your story will help others.

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    1. So true about it being taboo in the past. Blessings friend.

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  4. Chrissy,
    Hugs. And love.
    Thank you for sharing this.
    I suffer from anxiety, mainly health anxiety.
    It is a struggle, as you know.
    It is my cross to carry...
    Again, thank you. : )

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  5. Dear Chrissy, This affects more people that you'll ever know, including me. I went through a bad patch and so know what panic attacks are.... just terrible. I feel it is a life of being careful as I know when I am slipping... but currently I am really good. I think you can help a lot of people but I am sorry you have had to go through so much! With love Annabel.xxx

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    1. Thank you Annabel. I know so dearly what you mean. It is a difficult thing to go through. Blessings sweet lady.

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  6. It hurts to read of your hurt but it is exciting to read about how you are glorifying God through it.

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  7. Love & prayers! I am emailing you now...

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  8. Hi Chrissy, thank you for sharing your struggle and journey with anxiety and depression. As you know, I have struggled too and still continue to at times. A friend from childhood shared with me yesterday that she really struggles with depression and that the hardest thing for her is not having a family that understands. That support system is so important and it sounds like you have been blessed with people around you that do. I know how crucial that has been for me.

    Be blessed my friend!

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    1. It is a lifeline. But I have been through phases where it wasn't the case and it was super hard.

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    2. It is a lifeline. But I have been through phases where it wasn't the case and it was super hard.

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Welcome! Love your friendly comments.