I am going to just get real here. I try to use my blog as a place of encouragement, tips, and journal keeping. But sometimes I just want to write. I want to share my heart. I want to share my struggles at times. I look at my blog and those that I read as some form of sisterhood. *Smiles* I look forward to reading what is going on in your lives. I also like sharing mine. I feel this special bond and I am thankful for it.
Every time this year for years I feel the way I do right now. I begin to feel blah. I begin to feel not motivated. Burned out. I start stressing over how we need to budget more, live more fugal, worry about how we are going to ever get out of this debt, fall off and get back on eating right, feeling like I am not doing enough in homeschool and really don't want to do anymore at this point, stress on trying to save money at the grocery store, worry that I am not feeding the kids healthy foods all the time, and trying to find ways to save more and on and on!
How is that for transparency?! I know there is enough humbug in the world with out mine. I also know there is a lot more pressing and saddening things in this world than my rambling thoughts and frustrations but none the less I still feel this way.
I try to count my blessings, be thankful, and I do hope in Christ. I just feel overwhelmed sometimes. As if I am never doing enough or eating TOO MUCH...Hahaha ! I am totally serious about the last remark.
The funny thing is this is how I feel EVERY SINGLE TIME at THIS TIME OF THE YEAR. It is truly crazy. I can look back at my journals, even blog posts and see the cycle. I wonder if it is because this time of year brings out all the BEST ideas. You know what I mean. Holiday planning, decorating, the beginning of the New Year (diets, budgets, simplifying) and etc.
I have no idea as to why I begin to feel this overwhelming feeling that I am not doing enough and need to do things different. I begin to research, read, and research some more. Which then overwhelms me more. It is like going to a shampoo and conditioner isle. I mean really how many shampoo and conditioner choices are there? Wowza! It can all be too much at times.
There is this huge part of me that just wants to TURN it all off. Books, pinterest, google and youtube. Most all of these places I am sharing was meant to helpful and can be. But I feel there are so many voices and choices. It literally overstimulates me. Even books. Y'all know I love books. I love reading. But even that can start ideas in your head. I need to do this now or that now from the book suggestions.
This can lead to all these ideas and more....
Seek simple living, be more slow, be more productive, be frugal, cut your expenses, stock this and that, read more, pray more, be thankful more, exercise more, spend less, make your own, live off grid, live in a tiny house (umm.nope), read this amount of books, save this much money, rest more, get active, be a better wife, a better mother, school this way, read aloud to your kids more, be a minimalist, be a vegan (NOPE), don't eat this, churn your own butter (no offense if you do I am sure it is great), you need to use essential oils, eat meat and fat, don't eat meat and fat, gluten free, juicing, have a literary mentor, get out of debt, build more character, make this face mask, decorate this way, breath taking tablescape ideas, holiday decorations, read this book it will change your life, movie series galore, this homeschooling method works best, homemaker bundles, homemaker's classes (yes...there are), memorize this amount of scripture, get up this early, go to bed this early, clean and shine your sink, and on and on!!!
I know all of these things are meant to be helpful. And they are... they TRULY are. I even blog and suggest things. I am not knocking any of this. Because I love researching it all. Some of these things have helped me in so many ways. But at the same time all the ideas, the voices, and etc. can cloud out the one voice that matters. The one thing that matters. The one path I need to be on. I am not saying we shouldn't do these things or that we should go off grid and hide from it all but the constant information overload can be over stimulating to me.
It has been a year in a half years since I deleted FB and it was the most freeing thing I ever did. Do I miss it? Nope! Not one bit. It was very liberating. I felt like a child swinging with the breeze in my face. Do I miss the contacts? Well, those that want to be apart of my life still make effort and I do the same. We call or text now, write cards, and even meet in person...GASP!!! How is that for social living! *Smiles*
I am not saying FB is bad but it freed me. I am beginning to have that feeling about a few other social media/internet sites I visit. Pinterest is one. I am cringing as I write this. Because I have this love hate relationship with the good ole pinning. I pin, pin, and pin. I have read some great articles and yes enjoyed some great recipes. But on the most part I don't really do much else but store more information and get off sometimes feeling like I need to do this or that. Y'all this is just my personality. Some people it doesn't do this to at all.
I told myself a couple days ago I was going to stay off pinterest. But my heart TRULY began to race as I thought what I am going to do about a recipe, Weight Watcher tips, prayer calendars, and help with kid lessons for Sunday School. We will not even discuss the panicked feeling that I felt about not being able to get more ideas about homeschooling!!!! I am seriously laughing out loud right now.
I am crazy people! I know you are thinking it! I probably will not even hit publish on this post. If I do then you all know I have hit my breaking point. I will be eating ice cream in my bed and burying my face in shame of blogging this. Hahaha! No, not really. Well, I might still eat ice cream.
I am not even sure how to end this post. But I just thought I would get real at the place I am in.